≡ Menu

How to Stop Judging Yourself and Others

The soul tends always to judge others by what it thinks of itself. -Giacomo Leopardi-

Despite our best efforts, we all judge others. It might be over small things, like a seeing a woman with tight-fitting clothes. Or it might be over bigger issues, such as when we treat others differently solely because of their mental health, singling them out as different, strange or someone to avoid.

Understand that our perceptions of others reveal so much about our own personality.

Studies have found that how positively you see other people shows how satisfied you are with your own life, and how much you are liked by others.

Whereas a huge list of negative personality traits are associated with viewing others negatively – things like narcissism, antisocial behavior and other various personality disorders – not to mention there’s a greater likelihood of depression as well.

No one likes to be judged.  Why?  Because judging hurts – ourselves and those that we judge.  Therefore, we must be very careful and stop doing it.

If you’re struggling to stop judging others, here are some tips to help:

  1. If you see someone who is very different from you in physical appearance or in age or in economic status, use your mind to send them love rather than a judgmental thought.
  1. Make a daily effort to look upon others (including yourself) without condemnation. Every judgment takes you away from your goal of peace. Keep in mind that you do not define anyone with your judgment; you only define yourself as someone who needs to judge.
  1. Notice the acts of kindness that other people do, rather than their wrongdoing. We are all good, decent, loving souls, but we occasionally get lost. When you can focus on the good in another and hold that in your mind, you are acting from your higher self.

We should never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their pain and renunciation. It’s one thing to feel that you are on the right path; but it’s another to think that yours is the only path.

{ 0 comments }

Stop Playing the Blaming Game

download (2)

Whenever something negative happens to you, there is a deep lesson concealed within it. ~Eckhart Tolle.

 

When something goes wrong in your life, is your first reaction to blame someone else?

You know, things like saying that the person in front of you was driving so slow it made you late, or blaming lack of time, your children or other circumstances for not getting your work done – or even if you slip and fall on some water and so the world is out to get you!

If so, you’re engaging in what is commonly known as the blame game.

I know you’re familiar with this game…. situations in which one someone blames others for something bad or unfortunate rather than attempting to accept responsibility and seek solutions.

Why do we play this game?  Well, there are several reasons why.  Some include:

  1. It’s a defense mechanism. It helps us preserve our sense of self-esteem by avoiding awareness of our own flaws or failings.
  2. It’s a tool we use when we’re in attack mode – yes, we use it to try to hurt others (knowingly or not), and
  3. Quite simply it’s easier to blame someone else other than accept responsibility.

Regardless of why we play it, understand that the more you play the more you lose.

Today’s transformational tips will help you accept your fallibility on your route toward self-improvement:

  1. Take full responsibility for all the events in your life. When you blame something outside of yourself for the circumstances you are experiencing, you give control of your life to that outer phenomenon. When you release blame, and go within, you will always find what you need.
  1. When you feel an inclination to blame someone else for your circumstances, take an instant to say a prayer of thanks for the lesson. The lesson is to become aware that you are the one experiencing the feeling.
  1. Be peaceful, experience silence, meditate, and really listen to God. The result will be that you will find the solution to each of your problems within yourself.

Owning up to your role in bad situations will help you grow from your experiences, so embrace this imperfect universe and the fallible beings in it, including yourself and others —and stop blaming people for it.

{ 0 comments }

A Very Important Life Skill to Have

download (1)

The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.

Being able to communicate effectively is the most important of all life skills.

Communication is the process by which we exchange information between one place to another. It is a process where we try as clearly and accurately as we can, to convey our thoughts, intentions and objectives.

Understand that there are two types of responses that can be received from a person: 

1. A loving response

2. A cry for help

When your interpretation of a response from someone is other than one of love, ask yourself the following question, “What’s going on with this person that is making him or her treat me this way?

Keep in mind when someone responds to you other than what you expected (which is a loving response), their reaction is based upon one of two things:

(1) their own mental state or

(2) their interpretation of what has (and sometimes has not) been communicated by you.  

In other words, all you can control is your ability to communicate more effectively, you cannot control the interpretation of it.  

Additionally, understand that sometimes the response you receive has nothing to do with you!

It all can be very complicated, but here are 3 transformation tips that can help you stay in a calm, patient space so that you can respond in a loving way: 

1.  Begin keeping track of the judgmental thoughts that you allow into your mind each day.  Increasing your awareness of this judging habit will help you consult your loving presence as these judgmental attitudes surface.

2. Give more of yourself, ask less in return.  When serving others become a priority, you will start asking the universe, on a daily basis, “How may I serve?” 

3. Always give a loving response. Think and when appropriate say, “how can I make you feel better?

 Commit to having fun-loving response in all circumstances and your life will change forever.

{ 0 comments }

How to Lighten Your Load

lighten-the-load-large

You only lose what you cling to. (Buddha)

Dramatic life changes can occur when you make a conscious effort to only surround yourself with those higher value things that you truly desire in your life.

Do you have an assortment of stuff that you don’t use or simply takes up space?

Do you have ongoing obligations to things that add little to no value to your life that you wouldn’t agree to do if you were asked to commit to them today?

If you answered “yes’’ any of these questions, guess what? It’s time to lighten your load.  Here are three things you can do to start:

  1. Let go of the concept that more is better. This idea keeps us constantly seeking more stuff. You can replace the more-is-better belief with an inner serenity that does not need “more” to be acceptable.
  1. Lighten your material load, starting TODAY. As you do so, less energy is spent hoarding, insuring, moving, polishing, and so on. The less attached you are to your possessions, and the more you are able to share them with others unconditionally, the more peaceful your life will be.
  1. Practice generosity. People who give willingly of their possessions and their money are not doing it because they “have it to give.” They are coming from a special heart space that is attracted to serving and sharing. We can all give something in the service of others and in service of our higher-selves.

By learning to let go of the non-essential things that contribute very little value to your life, it will enable you to make room for things of higher value.

{ 0 comments }

How to Get Rid of Self-Limiting Beliefs

download

If you think you can do a thing or can’t do a thing, you are right! (Henry Ford)

 

Are you familiar with the way circus elephants are trained?

When an elephant is small and weak, one leg is tied with a rope to a wooden stick.  Initially, the elephant tries to break free but the rope is too strong and the elephant is convinced that breaking free is impossible.

Years later when the baby elephant is grown to 6 or 7 tons, despite its enormous strength, it’s still easily constrained by a light rope and a thin wooden stake.  The elephant learns its limitations when it is small and weak.  It remains convinced for the rest of its life that what was once true will always be true.

The elephant remains imprisoned by limiting beliefs when clearly it has the strength to pull that itty-bitty stake out the ground and free itself at any moment.

Now I ask you this…

In what ways are you like a big powerful elephant who is convinced you are weak and powerless?  In what areas of your life are you convinced you can’t?

The truth is you posses the key to infinite power.

Here are three ways to tap into that infinite power within you:

  1. Discard self-limiting beliefs. Have a mini ritual of discarding a self-limiting belief by denying its validity and stating that you no longer subscribe to it. Do this often.
  1. Just be. Let go of all the beliefs that convince you of your inadequate and shortcomings.  Clean out that closet of worn-out loyalties to what you can and cannot do.  Just open yourself up right in this moment and just be.
  1. Release everything that you have been told is impossible or unrealistic and allow yourself the freedom to make your own contract with God about what is possible for you.

Observe yourself and become aware of your limiting beliefs that prevent you from living the life you deserve.  Just by becoming aware of them, you will see that you will start to make much more progress on your goals.

{ 0 comments }

Self-Love Must Come First

2017-12-04 18.29.25

Before you can fully receive the love of another person, you must first love yourself.

Unfortunately, many people have a hard time giving this gift and are more concerned with giving love to others rather than giving it to themselves.

Self-love is the foundation for everything beautiful in life, including meaningful and healthy relationships, having a positive attitude and body image, increased self-esteem and overall peace, joy and happiness.

People come and go so it’s important to love yourself because that’s who you will be spending the rest of your life with.

Here are three things you can do TODAY to cultivate self-love:

      1. Work at being content with who you are, rather than pleasing others by being inauthentic. Say to yourself, “I am what I am, and it is okay as long as I am not hurting anyone else in the process.”
      2. Forgive yourself for your transgressions. See that mistakes are lessons for you to transcend. Release yourself from the tyranny of self-recrimination. Make the decision to be free.
      3. Look into a mirror and say out loud: “I love you, I value you, and I know that there is much more to you than what I see staring back at me.”

You will find yourself going beyond the physical you and removing many of your intrusive thoughts about defending yourself and attempting to prove your worth.

The greatest give you can give yourself is yourself — filled with self-love.

Are you ready for the happy life you deserve?  I invite you to join my free challenge: 7 Days of Self-Love.

{ 0 comments }

Lessons in Life

images

Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it.

Lessons in life reminds us that we have a real reason to be here.

Here are 3 transform tips that will help you to move forward in your life and not focus on the past.

1. Give up hope for a better past

You cannot have a better past, so abandon that idea right now.  You did what you knew how to do, given the circumstances of your life.  Instead of indulging in regrets, let your thoughts remain on love, and let your actions stem from that love.

2. Learn from your lessons

Focus on what you can learn from your challenges and how to use them to add value to the lives of others.  Doing this will turn any adversity into an advantage.

3. Remember the lessons

This will help you so that you don’t have to continue repeating them.

Learning from your life lessons and working toward understanding them will promote progress and insight.

{ 0 comments }
thoughts

thoughts

Are you ready for it?  Take a deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. Okay, here it is…

The answer is this:  CHANGE THE THOUGHTS YOU THINK!

You know that voice in your head — your ego — that persistent chatter that is with you all the time?

If you actually listen to what you are thinking, it’s really not that interesting. Not only that, it’s cyclical, repetitive, repeating, recurring, and redundant!

Did you know that 95% of your thoughts do not serve you at all. They are adding no value to your life— and they are probably making you miserable.

But don’t worry, today’s transformational tips will help you.

#1 Observe your thoughts – Not all of your thoughts are negative, but I bet the ratio of the positive thoughts to the meaningless thoughts that rule the majority of your headspace is probably a lot different than you suspect.

Categorize each thought that appears. By naming the thought, you are learning the critical skill of detaching from it.

 

#2: Kill the ANTs!  Ants is an acronym coined by Dr. Amen.  It stands for Automatic Negative Thoughts.  ANTs are cynical, gloomy, and complaining thoughts that just seem to keep coming all by themselves.  ANTs can cause you to be depressed and fatalistic, which can have a profound impact on your life.

Examples of ANTs include:

“You never listen to me.”
“You don’t like me.”
“I can’t do it.”
“I should have done much better. I’m a failure.”
“I have a bad memory.”

How do you kill the ANTs?  This brings us to tip #3

#3: Never finish a negative statement! Reverse it immediately and wonders will happen in your life. If you have thoughts indulged in fear, worry and other destructive forms of negative thinking, your subconscious mind will accept your negative thoughts as requests and will proceed to bring them into your experience.

To remedy this is to begin devoting your thoughts to kindness, peace, forgiveness and gratitude.  Your subconscious mind, being creative, will then proceed to create those attributes in your life.

In conclusion, never affirm inwardly anything that you do not want to experience outwardly.

If you enjoyed this post, please tune in to watch my LIVE Facebook Broadcast, “Transform Your Life in 15 Minutes“.  You’ll get 5 minute exercises to help you transform your mind, body & soul.  It’s filmed Monday – Saturday at 6 am PST.

{ 0 comments }

3 Ways to Transform Your Life TODAY

images

What is transformation? 

Let’s dissect the word:  Formation is the action of forming or process of being formed. It is your physical form and the boundaries that we experience.  Think in terms of your physical body.

The word “trans” is a prefix that means to go beyond.  When you put the two words together, it means to go beyond the boundaries of our physical form.

Why Should You Transform Your Life?

Your life is your signature creation. Therefore, it is your duty to live true to yourself with authenticity and be the greatest possible expression of who you are.

Here are 3 Ways You Can Transform Your Life Today:

1.  Begin.

Begin looking forward at who you are and why you are here instead of outward at the physical world or anything in it.

2.  Grow.

Know that there is an invisible intelligence in everything.  You have the power to make contact with this Divine Intelligence and create a life of bliss.

3.  Receive.Draw your inner energy from the beauty that surrounds you.  When you do so, this energy reception will become a source of strength and sustenance in your life.

If you enjoyed this post, please tune in to watch my LIVE Facebook Broadcast, “Transform Your Life in 15 Minutes“.  You’ll get 5 minute exercises to help you transform your mind, body & soul.  It’s filmed Monday – Saturday at 6 am PST.

{ 0 comments }

The Work of Loving Yourself

download

Take care how you speak to yourself because you are listening!

“Love yourself” is simple to say and sometimes the most difficult thing to do. 

Why? Because:

        It means asking ourselves what love is.

        It means asking ourselves what we believe our value to be.

         It can mean dismantling a lifetime of false and or negative beliefs.

Self-love matters because YOU matter! No matter what your programming is, you have the power to change it.

Here are 5 things you can do to get started.

1.  Become mindful through meditation.  This is hands-down the best thing you can do for yourself.  If you don’t take the time to quiet your mind, how can you hear what God is trying to tell you?

2. Forgive yourself. We humans can be so hard on ourselves! One of the downsides of taking responsibility for our actions is punishing ourselves too much for mistakes we make while learning and growing. It’s time to accept that you perfectly perfect just the way you are.

3. Practice self-care.  This isn’t just about engaging in healthy activities like sound nutrition, exercise and getting proper sleep. Those are a given.  I mean being careful in what you are thinking and the way you talk to and about yourself!

4. Create a community of support.  As much as we would like to think we can, we can’t do everything ourselves. You need the support and love from people around you to stay motivated and on track.

5. Write in a journal.  It’s important to express your true feelings and the best way to do this is to write it down in your journal.  Make this your best friend.  It’s something you can tell all your secrets to and not worry that it will get out.

Remember, if you want something different, you have to do something different!  The choice is yours. 

YOU have the power!

I’ve created a free 7 Days of Self-Love Challenge. I invite you to join me!  Click on the link to sign up. 

{ 0 comments }