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Why do we hurt ourselves?

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In order to save myself I must destroy who I was told to be.

Have you ever wondered why it is that we keep doing the things that we don’t want to keep to be we keep doing them anyway?

You know, things like overeating, drinking, doing drugs, gossiping, staying in abusive relationships….  The list is endless.  

Is it what we were taught? What we saw?  Is it to distract us from the feelings we feel?  To numb us? 

Yes!

In other words, it’s because we want to stay connected to the very thing or person who hurt us.

You see, it’s subconscious reactions to negative programming.  Our mind is like an iPod. The conscious part is like play wheel (remember the old ones?) while the the subconscious mind is simply playing what was programmed into us  – BUT at an early age. 

Understand that no matter how bad it is, if that is what you experienced at a young age then you want it.  It’s like Pavlov’s dog.  You keep going back to what you know. Why? Because there is comfort in knowing – no matter what it was/is.  

Even if:

  • you know how it has negatively affected you – you want what you know.
  • the person who did it to you is no longer doing it – in some way you do something to yourself to feel connected to it.

Thankfully, a little bit of knowledge goes a long way!  Now that you know, when you’re really ready, you can do something about it. 

Remember, the first stage of learning is knowing what you don’t know.  Welcome to stage two – being aware.

Tomorrow we will discuss things to do.

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Why Self Love Matters

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If you don’t realize your own value, it makes it easier for others to miss it too!

Do you want to attract love into your life?
Do you want to live with more abundance?
Do you desire be happy and healthy?

These things can only be found in a place of love. And guess what? It starts with self-love.

So what is self-love? It is a regard for one’s own well-being and happiness.  It’s unconditional feeling of love, appreciation and acceptance for yourself.

Self-love putting yourself first. It’s taking care of you.

We tend to give, give, give!

We give to family, friends and employers – with all this giving, when do we make time to give to ourselves?

So why does self-love matter?

Because it is essential for your life!

Self-love:

  1. Allows you to know who you are.
  2. Allows you to take care of yourself.
  3. Allows you to move on – only you have the power to move yourself forward.

So why does it matter?  Because you matter!

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A Fish Out of Water

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If you’re looking for someone to change your life, look in the mirror!

A story you many need to hear:

Once there was this beautiful fish that lived in a muddy pond, but because it had been in it for so long, the fish wasn’t aware of it, it was just happy to be in water.

The fish was eating algae and although the algae made her very dizzy, gave her an upset stomach and a fever, she was used to it so she wasn’t aware of any causes of concern.

However, over time, the fish became depressed and fatigued so she decided to go to the doctor.

After several inconclusive tests and a few questions, the doctor, to his amazement, found out that the beautiful fish lived in the dirty pond feeding off of algae.

The doctor explained that a beautiful fish like her should be living in the lake where there was plenty of food to choose from. He even started naming the different foods such as insects, worms, frogs or snakes.

The doctor also explained that it would take some work to get to the lake, including not eating for a few days, but that once she was there, she would not regret the decision to leave the pond.

This was hard for the fish to hear because no one had ever referred to her a beautiful before.  So, although the fish knew of the bigger body of water, the thought of leaving her familiar surroundings and taking a long journey by herself was very scary to her.

At that time, it was too much for her to consider so she told the doctor that she’d take his recommendation under advisement and left his office.

After some time had passed, the fish decided to take some action and moved to the other side of the pond.  There she was happy to find a different type of algae.

However, in a short period of time, she not only began to display the same symptoms, but it became much worse.  Now she had a high fever, head and body aches and a sore throat.

At first, she thought maybe it was just in her mind so she tried to will herself not to be affected by the algae, but that didn’t work.

Finally one day, she couldn’t take it any longer so she decided to go back to the doctor.

The doctor was happy to see her and was delighted to not only give her the directions to the lake, but he also provided her with tools she’d need to make the journey.

To the astonishment of the doctor, the fish told him that she was leaving to go to the lake that day.  The doctor bid her farewell and wished her luck on her journey.  He told her to call him if she needed him while on her trip.  The fished thanked the doctor and left for her journey.

It was a very challenging journey, where at times, the fish wanted to return back to the pond, but she knew that there was nothing good for her at the pond so she continued on with the journey.

With the help of the tools that the doctor gave her, she finally arrived at the lake where she was amazed at the size of it.  Not only that, just as the doctor had mentioned, she saw a buffet of things to eat.

She was very cautious at first, but in no time she devoured the new food and learned her way around the lake.  To her amazement, not only did she not get sick, but the other fishes were actually complimenting her on how even more healthier she looked.

First the first time in her life, she felt beautiful.

After several weeks of being in the new lake, she was thriving, happy and having fun.  She wrote the doctor a letter of thanks to which he replied with three words:  Next, the ocean.

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Triumph over failure

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ONLY THOSE WHO DARE TO FAIL GREATLY CAN EVER ACHIEVE GREATLY!

 

What Can Failure Teach Us?

Failure teaches us how to pick ourselves up again which ultimately helps us learn new things.

Think about it, when a baby is first learning to walk, she’s going to fall down many times. This is failure. We understand that falling down – which is failing while learning to walk is just a part of life. So, why isn’t failure at other things treated this way?

The reason is because in our society, it’s not as glamorous to talk about trials, tribulations, upsets, setbacks, and failures.  Instead, we celebrate successes, but isn’t it an accomplishment to fail, and then go on to make something of yourself by admitting that you have failed but refused to be deterred from your final goal?

As much as it hurts, failure is a necessary and important part of life. In fact, failure is life’s great teacher!

Look at it as nature’s chisel that chips away at all the excess, stripping down egos as it molds and shapes us through divine intentions.

Without failure, we’d be less capable of compassion, empathy, kindness, and great achievement.  We would be less likely to reach for the moon and the stars!

It’s through failure that we learn three greatest lessons that life could teach us:

Lesson #1: Knowledge

During failure we gain knowledge which can also be harnessed in the future to overcome the very failure that inflicted so much pain in the first place.

Failure Lesson #2: Experience

When we fail, we walk away with firsthand experience.  This helps us to develop a deeper understanding for life.

Lesson #3: Growth

When we fail, we reach deeper meanings and understandings about our lives and why we’re doing the things that we’re doing.

So, understand that it’s okay to fail, use it as leverage to help propel you forward in the future and go out and achieve amazing success!

Triumph over failure!!

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It All Comes Down to You

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Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny. (C.S. Lewis)

Helen Keller was deaf and blind

..but this did not stop her from learning sign language, earning a BA degree, nor writing 12 books – not to mention numerous articles.

Beethoven began to lose his hearing at the height of his career and eventually became completely deaf

…but it did not stop him from writing many symphonies, including his Symphony No. 9 – which by the way, he never heard a single note! It is one of the best-known works of classical music.

Thomas Edison who, by the way, displayed signs of learning disabilities, failed about 10,000 times and suffered a major lost when this factory was burnt to the ground destroying his lab records and millions of dollars of equipment

…but he still kept his positive attitude and successfully designed the light bulb.

What is the moral of these stories?

CIRCUMSTANCES mean nothing.

LIMITATIONS mean nothing.

OBSTACLES mean nothing.

It all comes down to you!

YOU decide how you react to circumstances. You decide who you are in those circumstances and what you can do in spite of them!

YOU decide what you do with your limitations. You can see them as a minor setback or a message from the universe that you’re not “meant” to do something!

YOU decide to let obstacles stop you or keep moving boldly ahead!

Life is too short not to live to your FULL potential.

It all comes down to you!

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Forgive and Grow

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Do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. (Ephesians 4:30-31)

Forgiveness doesn’t mean what happened was okay, and it doesn’t mean that person should who wronged you be welcome in your life.  It just means that you’ve made peace with the pain, and you are ready to let it go.

Not forgiving someone is the equivalent of staying trapped in a jail cell of bitterness, serving time for someone else’s crime!  If you still need convincing, here are three reasons we must forgive:

1. Because it’s a gift to you

Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself – to be at peace, to be happy and to be able to sleep at night. It will set you free from the feelings of hurt, anger, and helplessness.

2.  Because you will be forgiven

In life, we get what we give and we reap what we sow. With that being said,  since we’re all humans and we all make mistakes, the more we forgive others for the past, present and future mistakes, the more others will forgive us when we will make mistakes! Forgive and you will be forgiven.

3.  Because you want to protect your spirit and mind

Holding on to pain and bitterness works against your spirit.  Be unforgiving affects how you think, the decisions you make and even how you think about and interact with others. You can become cynical about people’s motives or actions and thereby shutting yourself off from potentially nurturing and healthy relationships.

Forgiveness is one of the most positive things that you can do. Forgiveness marks the beginning of a new chapter for you to celebrate.  So Forgive and Grow.  It’s time to let go!

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A Story About Forgiveness

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Holding onto anger is like holding onto a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else. 

One day two friends were walking together on the beach. During the journey the two got into a heated argument.

Eventually, in the heat of the moment, one friend slapped the other friend’s cheek.  The friend who had been slapped did not hit back or curse his friend. Instead, he picked up a stick in wrote in the sand…

Today, my best friend slapped me in the face.

They continue their walk and then they decide to take a swim.  While they were swimming, the same friend who had been slapped found himself in difficulty and begin to drown.
His friend quickly swam towards him to help. He pulled him for to shore, where he slowly recovered.
When he felt better, he got up, and carved the following words into a stone…

Today, my best friend save my life.

His friend, who had slapped him and then rescued him from drowning, looked at him, surprised.  He asked him: “After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now you’re carving on stone-why?”

The other friend looked at him and said: “When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand so the winds of forgiveness can erase what happened.

But when something good happens or when someone is doing a wonderful thing for us we must engrave it in stone, because there, no wind can blur what happened, and no further deeds can erase the kindness.”

Let’s all try to remember to etch the good deeds into the rock of our foundation, and to let the winds of forgiveness wipe away the bad deeds that were done to us if – only we write them in sand, and not in stone.
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5 Easy Steps to Change Your Life

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“Between stimulus and response there is a space.

In that space is our power to choose our response.

In our response lies our growth and our freedom”.

Viktor Frankl

 

Have you ever…

Stayed in a terrible relationship?

Let people take advantage of you?

Let yourself get overweight?

Let fear stop you in your tracks?

Made excuses rather than accepting responsibility?

These are things that can make you feel miserable.  Understand that “misery” and “motivation” are a choice.

To make the most of your life, to nourish the causes of happiness for yourself will take strength, clear intentions, and persistent effort.

Here’s how to change your life in five simple steps:

  1. Write down what is crappy about your life.
  • The first step to finding a solution is admitting that there’s a problem.

 

  1. Write down what is awesome, good and okay about your life.
  • You don’t want to stay in condemnation so take the time to celebrate the good things in your life.

 

  1. Tell yourself the truth about everything you have done to contribute to your current situation.
  • This is perhaps the hardest step!  It is about taking responsibility and being accountable to yourself. Admitting that you are responsible for the bad things that happen in your life is no easy task. But trust that there’s a greater purpose for all things you go through in life – even if it’s not apparent at that moment.

 

  1. Write down the life you want.
  • This is an important step.  We tend to put our dreams on the back-burner.  Be very clear and specific.  In order be effective, you’ll also need to attach emotion to the experience.  This means really feel what you will feel as your dreams unfold.

 

  1. Create your action plan.
  • This step is about being intentional and creative.  Set your goals and then take the necessary steps to bring them to fruition.

Intentionally do each of these steps.  You will find that the power of intention is mighty. Setting good intentions and renewing them often are important keys to having the road ahead of you be healthy, happy and successful.

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4 Stages of Learning

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There is only one thing more painful than learning from experience and that is not learning from experience. – Archibald MacLeish

 

The Four Stages of Learning is a model or theory that was created in the 70’s by Noel Burch that provides us with some suggestions on how we learn.

So what are they?

Stage 1: Unconscious Incompetence

You don’t know what you don’t know

Ex. As a small child you have no concept of driving.

Stage 2: Conscious Incompetence

You know that you don’t know

Ex. As a pre-teen you are aware that driving gets you places

Stage 3: Conscious Competence

You know that you know

Ex. As a teenager you’re gripping the wheel tightly at 10 & 2 o’clock with no radio on and forget about driving next to the concrete barriers!

This is the stage we spend the most time in while learning.

Stage 4: Unconscious Competence

You know and it happens automatically

Ex. Now you drive while cooking dinner, putting on makeup, reading books and texting!

So as you find yourself getting frustrated or stressed out – wanting to give up on your dreams, RELAX, and remember the Four Stages of Learning.

Also, understand that practice and persistence coupled with the belief that if one person can do it you can do it too is a sure-fire way for change!

 

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Trust Your Intuition

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You know the truth by the way it feels!

 

Answer the following questions:

  • Have you ever been lost but then suddenly knew where to go?
  • Have you ever been in an elevator when someone gets in and the hairs on the back of your neck stick up?
  • Ever have those moments where you daydream about quitting your job, but you don’t because of financial reasons?
  • Has there ever been a time when you knew something was wrong with you, yet the doctor and initial tests say nothing is wrong?
  • Have you ever been drawn to read a book that you shortly find out you need the information from?

These “unexplainable” things are actually your intuition talking to you.

 

What is your intuition?

 

Your intuition is your 6th sense.  It is God’s way of talking to you.

 

How can it help you?

Your intuition can guide you:

  • In making decisions
  • By being a danger radar
  • About your health, people, circumstances and situations
  • and much more…

 

How can you learn to trust it?

Here are 3 ways:

  1. Trust – Have faith that you have ‘The Voice’ inside you.
  2. Exercise – Build your intuitive muscle by talking to it, testing it, and tuning into its answers. This can be accomplished by doing one or more of the following:
  • Write down your feelings
  • Meditate
  • Sleep on it
  1. Be grateful – Gratitude has the power to transform. By being grateful, you are brought to a more peaceful place which allows you to listen to your inner voice.

Trust your intuition.  It will guide and support you!

 

 

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